


September (Memoria)

by blue_air



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-08-03 06:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16320725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_air/pseuds/blue_air
Summary: Mina was never good at making decisions and now she has to make them everyday. When there's no good or bad choice, how are you supposed to know what to choose?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys.   
> This is my first Twice fanfic so I apologize if there are any mistakes. I don't know why I took so long to upload this but yeah, here it is. This au started as a random idea that I had in mind so a lot of things don't make any sense. 
> 
> Feel free to stop by cc if you have any question ( https://curiouscat.me/blue_air ) or leave a comment if you feel like it.
> 
> That's it.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was 09:13 when Mina’s phone buzzed, screen showing the first words of an email from Professor T.

“Hello, Mina.

I’m sorry to bother you. I would like to talk to you about something important before the day ends. Please let me know if there’s any chance of meeting you.

Have a nice day,

Professor T.”

She read the email twice before sending a short answer, setting a meeting late in the afternoon. She took a deep breath and looked around her. Her room was full of boxes of all sizes with her name on them. 

Mina moved with Jeongyeon into an apartment near campus where they were both studying. Near was an optimistic way to say that they lived 20 minutes away from campus, but it was way nearer than where they used to live before. Both girls had been friends for years and had stuck together through everything: school, high school, university and now this new page they were starting to write together as PhD. students. Everyone expected Mina to get this far, but if you had gone back 15 years and asked their teacher, none of them would have said great thing about Jeongyeon. Long story short, Jeongyeon used to bring mess everywhere she went, while Mina was quiet and most of the time, all their teachers and Jeongyeon’s parents used, even though she was the youngest among the two of them, as a role model for her friend. Jeongyeon didn’t really care about others’ opinion. She was a ‘free soul’ she had said to Mina a couple of time when the youngest confronted her about not having any plans for the future. Who would have thought they’d be here now. Mina couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.

“What are you laughing about?” asked a sleepy Jeongyeon entering her room.

“Nothing” Mina looked down at her phone. 

“Don’t lie to me.” the older girl took Mina’s phone and raised her hand as much as possible when she tried to reach for it.

“Yah! Yoo Jeongyeon, give me my phone.” the girl screamed very near of the other girl’s ear.

“Not until you tell me.” she tiptoed making it harder for Mina to reach.

“Ugh, fine. You’re insufferable!” she said quitting fighting Jeongyeon and sitting on her bed. “I was thinking about you.”

“Were you?” the mattress moved as Jeongyeon half jumped to sit next to her. “Do you have something to tell me, Minari?” she said with a playful smile as she side-hugged Mina.

“Actually, I do.” Mina turned to look at Jeongyeon not minding how close their faces were. “I’m meeting Professor T. later in the afternoon so I might not be back in time for dinner. Don’t wait for me, okay?”

“You know I don’t mind waiting for you.” Jeongyeon pouted. “I don’t like eating alone.”

“Last time you waited for me I found you sleeping with your head resting on your textbook.” said the youngest girl before kneeling in front of a box and starting to cut the tape that was keeping it close.

“That was one time and I wasn’t sleeping. I was bored and frustrated because I couldn’t memorize anything.” she took one of Mina’s boxes to the desk in the room, grabbing the scissors on it. She tried to copy her friend and cut the tape but with no luck as she felt something weird on the palm of her hand. She hissed when the sensation hit her. She put the scissors down and opened her hand to see a cut on it and some blood starting to come out.

Mina looked at her direction already knowing what had happened. It wasn’t the first time her friend had injured herself doing the simplest thing. She went to the bathroom with Jeongyeon following her.

“Jeongyeon, how many times are you going to hurt yourself before you start being more careful?” she asked not expecting an answer as she cleaned the wound with some water. “You should be more cautious. It could have been much worse than this.” she covered the cut with a band aid.

Jeongyeon didn’t say anything. Instead, the girl looked at the bathroom floor counting the blue tiles. Mina noticed something was off as she turned around after putting everything in its place and saw her friend’s face quite pale.

“Can you walk?” she asked softly as she offered her arm. All Jeongyeon could get herself to do was nodding. Mina took Jeongyeon’s arms and helped her to get out of the bathroom before heading to her room. Luckily their apartment was quite small so the room was only a few steps away.

“Okay, slowly.” she muttered as her friend sitted and then lay down. She took some cushions out of a box and put them under Jeongyeon’s legs. She ripped one of the empty boxes, took a small piece of cardboard from it and fanned the girl in bed. She moved aside the hair from her roommate’s face as well. That should be enough for her to get better, Mina thought as she looked at her friend lying in bed with her eyes closed and taking deep breaths. They’d been thought that a bunch of times. The older girl was never careful, so she always ended up hurting herself and then feeling dizzy. She also had this tendency to get pale real quick. The first it happened was in their first year of university. She and Jeongyeon were living together back then as well, Jeongyeon insisted on making dinner since Mina would cook for them almost every day. Mina had decided to do some homework while the Korean girl started to cut the meat. A little scream and some swearing made her run out of her room to check on the girl. By the time she got to Jeongyeon, the girl was shaking and she was looking at her index finger. Blood started to run down her finger and that only made Jeongyeon freak out more. Mina took a tea towel to stop the bleeding and took her friend to the nearest hospital. Some stitches after, and amused Mina came out of the hospital with a quiet Jeongyeon. The Korean girl almost passed out once the nurse started to treat the wound. “I won’t come near a knife again.” was the first thing the girl told her when she saw the Japanese girl.

“Earth to Mina.” her friend’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

“What?” she said shaking her head and coming back to reality.

“I asked if you’re going to unpack everything today.” Jeongyeon asked looking at the boxes on the floor.

“I was planning to before my meeting with Professor T.” she took the scissors from her friend’s hands and gave her a look that said “don’t even think about it”.

“Did she say what it is about? Something related to your PhD.?” the Korean girl asked with the same curiosity Mina had answered the email hours before.

“I don’t think so, she’s not my tutor, so there’s no reason for us to talk about my research.” the Japanese girl answered as she opened the box Jeongyeon had tried to open an hour ago. She took out a picture. It was already framed.

“Didn’t we take that picture a few days before high school ended?” the older girl asked behind Mina.

“Yeah, look at us!” the younger laughed pointing at the two of them. “We looked like babies. You even had your hair dark brown back then.”

Jeongyeon had always been very caring with her hair. She tried not to do anything that could damage it even in the slighted way. She used to complain about her friends’ looks because all the used to do was bleach it and dye it. “Do you hate your hair so much?” she used to ask every time someone went to school with a new look. It took Jeongyeon a silly bet in their last year of high school to do something with her hair. She did it the first day they moved into their old apartment. They were going to throw a party to celebrate their “first step into the adult world” her friends had said. She told Mina she would go out early in the afternoon to get some drinks, but she actually went to a salon and got her hair bleached. By the time she got home, everyone was being wild. There were cans everywhere, snacks bags open in the kitchen, the music was loud and nobody seemed to notice her arrival. This was not the first party her friends had throw but she still couldn’t figure out how four or five people could make such a mess. She put down the bag with drinks on the kitchen counter and the she heard it. Jihyo’s voice, loud and clear.

“What the heck, Jeongyeon?” she screamed. Jeongyeon could already feel the regret taking over her. As much as she loved her friends, she hated attention even if it came from them, so when she heard some gasps her first instinct was to turn around and run to the door. Mina caught her on time and dragged her to the center of the room where her friends, Chaeyoung, Jihyo and Dahyun, were. Dahyun turned off the music player and everyone just stared at her.

“Do you hate your hair so much?” Chaeyoung mimicked her in a silly voice. Mina and Jihyo glared at her while Dahyun was still shocked because of the sight in front of her.

“This is why I didn’t want to do it. You all know I hate attention.” Jeongyeon whined trying to get rid of Mina’s grip.

After that, they started their peculiar party.

 

That was how they spent the rest of the morning: between boxes and shared memories.

 

* * *

 

17:19. Mina checked her phone before locking her apartment door and heading to the nearest bus stop. Professor T. emailed had emailed her during lunch time apologizing because she was going to be late for their meeting. Jeongyeon and Mina’s apartment was twenty minutes away from campus if you took the bus. She put her headphones in her ears and played her favourite playlist on Spotify. After a couple of minutes the bus arrived. It was unusually empty, so Mina didn’t have any problem finding an empty seat next to the window. She checked the time one more time as the bus closed its doors.

A few stops ahead, a blonde Japanese girl was waiting for the bus while she spoke to her friend on the phone.

“ _ I already told you, Sana, I can’t call you tonight. I need to sleep early because I still have a lot of things to do before classes start. I promise to let you know when I’m free. _ ” the said girl explained pressing the phone against her ear and covering the other ear with her left hand to isolate her friend’s voice from the noise of the cars. “ _ Shit. I have to go, Sana. _ ” she ended the call and started to look for some money in her bag. She found her wallet before the last person stepped on the bus. 

She spotted a seat next to the window and ran to it almost falling when the bus started to move. Her phone rang in her bag.

“ _ Sana-san _ ”

She picked up but didn’t bother to put the phone near her ear as she knew what was about to happen.

“ _ Yah! Hirai Momo, don’t you dare to hang up like that ever again. _ ” a high pitched voice came out of the phone before Momo pressed the red button on the screen again with a chuckle.

A few seats away, Mina looked at the scene with a smile until the girl holding the phone turned around and looked at her. She lowered her head and laughed softly embarrassed of being caught staring before it hit her. She hurriedly took her phone from her pocket and texted Jeongyeon.

**Mina:** Jeongyeon, I think she’s here. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking right when she turned around.

**Jeongyeon:** her as in…

**Mina:** yes.

She looked one last time at the girl who was now facing the window. She wasn’t sure if she was who she had thought she was, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. 

 

* * *

 

 

19:12

Professor T. walked fast through the hall heading to her office.

“Mina, hello. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” she apologized as she opened the door for them to go inside.

“No problem.” Mina answered as the professor gestured her to take a seat in front of her.

“I guess you’re curious about this sudden meeting.” she looked at the girl for a second before adding “I wanted to ask you about a thing that might seem a little crazy.” a chuckle escaped her lips “I’ve been asked to give some conferences in several American universities, which means I’m going to be away for a few weeks.”

“And what does that have to do with me? If you don’t mind me asking.” said the girl scared of sounding rude.

“I want you to teach while I’m away. I understand this might be a bit weird and sudden, but if you’re interested, we can arrange it and you’ll be paid for it.”

“But, I don’t think I’m the right person for that. I mean, I have never taught anything to anyone and I don’t know if it’s something I could be good at.” said Mina lowly trying not to sound scared. 

“Don’t worry. I checked your grades and I was impressed by them. I teach calculus. I can send you a detailed program so you can decide what you want to do. I really think this could be a great opportunity for yourself since you might end up interested in being a professor after your PhD.”

“When would that be? I mean, when are you going to be away?” Mina said softly while she drew small circles on her lap. 

“In a couple of months. You can think about it if you want but I would like to have an answer as soon as possible just in case I have to look for someone else to do it. I'm fine with whatever you decide, so no pressure, okay?” Professor T. gave a reassuring smile.

“Okay. Can I have this week to think about it?” the young girl shyly asked. 

“Of course. Just send me and email or stop by my office at this time any day you want.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Mina stood up and bowed  “Bye.”

“I’ll see you around, Mina” professor T said before the Japanese girl closed the door leaving her alone in the room.

 

Mina came out of the main building and checked the time. It was not as late as she had thought it would have been. She wanted to go home as soon as possible so she walked fast through campus heading to the bus stop and waited once she got there. She had been thinking a lot about what professor T had just proposed. Her first instinct was to say no. Jokes aside, why did she think Mina could go and give a lecture about Calculus? Everyone hated Calculus. And she had never done that before. Sure, she had helped a few friends back in high school because she had turned to be good at maths and science, but that was one thing and standing in front of a hundred people and teach something she hadn’t studied in years was something totally different. “Yeah, there’s no way I can do it. I shouldn’t do it if I’m not a 100% sure I can do it.” she mumbled to herself. 

A loud noise snapped her out of her thoughts as the bus doors opened and people started to get out of it. She stepped inside, paid and went to the back looking for an empty seat. A blonde girl caught her sight once she found a seat. She tried not to look at her. “Don’t do it, Mina, you’ve had enough surprises today” she told herself. She unlocked her phone and her finger pressed automatically her chat with Jeongyeon. She stared at the last message she had sent a couple hours before. Jeongyeon didn’t texted anything else after that. The older probably thought Mina didn’t want do talk about it, which wasn’t exactly what the Japanese girl wanted. Mina wanted to tell Jeongyeon about finding her in Seoul, she wanted to tell her about her meeting but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she plugged in her headphones and listened to the same playlist she had listened to on her way to campus that afternoon. She was still overwhelmed by Professor T. words so she did what she had always done when she wanted to escape from her own thoughts. She look at the people walking on the sidewalk and started to imagine stories around them. She was so in deep that she didn’t notice how the bus stopped on the next stop. Many people got out of the bus, being the blonde Japanese girl one of them. The doors closed and the bus started to move again. Mina saw the blonde girl walking alone on the sidewalk and followed her with her eyes until it was out of sight. She wondered again if she was who she thought she was and if so, what she was doing in Seoul.

Mina walked fast through the streets, avoiding men, women and kids that were going back home just like her. She had tried to stop thinking for a moment but she couldn't. Her chest felt heavy. She was obviously nervous. 

She got to her apartment door faster than usual. She opened the door and got it. Jeongyeon was humming some Taylor Swift song. She went to the kitchen where she knew her friend was.

“And I said ‘Romeo save, I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think’” Jeongyeon finished singing when Mina stepped into the kitchen.

“Taylor Swift sunbaenim, is that you?” Mina asked pretending to be in front of the real Taylor Swift. 

“Haha. You’re so funny, Minari.” Jeongyeon rolled her eyes once she was facing her friend.

Mina kept silent staring at Jeongyeon, who raised her eyebrow before asking her what happened. As the Japanese girl walked to her closer she realized what was wrong.

“Wait, no. Mina, no. I promise I was doing just this one little thing. See?” she turned around quickly and pointed at the vegetables half cut on the cutting board. She stepped back until her back was against the kitchen counter.

“I’ve told you a thousand times, Jeong.” the younger girl poked her friend’s shoulder with her index finger, getting a whine from Jeongyeon. “Don’t. Do. Anything. That. Needs. A. Knife.”

“Ugh, fine. You’re worse than my parents.” Jeongyeon mumbled putting the knife on the counter before getting a pan from the cabinet.

“Well, I think I’ve seen you in worst situations than your parents.” Mina rolled her eyes while tying the apron on her back.

They started to cook dinner together. Mina cutting everything while Jeongyeon kept an eye on the pan so nothing could get burnt. 

“So, how did it go?” the older girl asked after minutes of silence between the two. 

“Well, she asked me to teach a few classes while she’s attending some conferences in USA.” she said as calmly as she could bring herself to be.

“Wait, what? Can she do that?” Jeongyeon asked surprised.

“I guess she can. I mean, it’s not liked she’s forcing me to do it. She asked because she saw my file from university and thought it could be good for me, which I’m not so sure. Yes, I have thought about teaching once or twice but I dropped the idea because… well, you know why.” Mina vented out as she finished cutting the last piece of meat. 

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to be the reason someone might hate school. You wouldn’t be a good teacher. You’ve said it a hundred times. But have you forgotten about all those times back in high school when you helped us? I mean, do I have to remind you how I passed maths in 7th grade?” Jeongyeon rolled her eyes. She really wished Mina had more confidence in herself. She understood why her friend was like that but she still hated that part of her that made her doubt herself so much. 

“That was when we were fourteen, Jeong. These kids are twenty and they’re not learning about trigonometry.” she got two plates from the cabinet above her and set them beside Jeongyeon so she could put the food on them.

“And you’re not fourteen anymore. You’re twenty-five now. And should I remind you where you should be at this age?” she said with a little bit of despair in her voice. She took a deep breath and kept going “I know you don’t like the idea of standing in front of a whole class. Talking in public was never your thing. I won’t tell you what to do, but if they pay you for it and you have enough knowledge of it, which we know you do because that professor wouldn’t have asked you if you didn’t, maybe you should give it a try. How long would you have to do it?” she asked coming back to the kitchen after finishing setting the table. 

“A couple of weeks or so, starting in a few months. But she needs an answer as soon as possible.” both girls took their plates and went to the table. 

“Well, then it’s up to you.” they sit down and started to eat dinner. They had their usual talks about their plans for the week. They both agree they should meet with their friends before they all went back to live between piles of books and papers.

They went to bed early that night, both tired after the long day. 

 

* * *

 

The buzzing of the phone next to her woke her up. Mina squinted her eyes and turned around trying to reach for damn phone. Who was so desperate to talk to her this early? After knocking down almost everything on her bedside table, she grabbed the phone and pressed the turn off button. She was still sleepy and didn’t press long enough, which caused the screen to light up making Mina groan as the bright light hit her eyes. She pressed the button one more time and quickly wrote her password to fix the brightness of the screen. Once that was done, she checked her notifications: she had two texts from Jeongyeon, over eighty texts from a group chat she didn’t know she was part of and five more texts from...Jihyo? She read the name once again. It had been so long since she and the older girl had talked. 

She checked Jeongyeon’s texts first.

**Jeongyeon:** Minari~, you know how we talked about meeting Dahyun, Chaeng and Jihyo before they go back to work/uni? I’m going to make a gc 

**Jeongyeon:** also I’m heading to the convenience store down the street for some emergency supplies.

‘Emergency supplies’ was Jeongyeon’s way to call popcorn and juice for her late movie nights. She used to say she could live without anything but her movie nights full of snacks. 

The group chat was a mess. Dahyun and Jeongyeon were doing their crackhead things they always did whenever they were together both physically or online, while Jihyon was trying to set a date for them to meet with no luck and Chaeyoung seemed to be sleeping yet. Mina quickly typed “Jeongyeon stop the silliness, this gc was supposed to be for something else.”, pressed the send button and proceeded to read Jihyo’s texts.

**Jihyo:** Mina :)

**Jihyo:** wait,,,, you’re still sleeping

**Jihyo:** anyway, I think you and I should choose the day and place because those two won’t do it anytime soon.

**Jihyo:** I guess classes have not started yet so anytime this week would be fine with you? I have a few things to handle during within this week, but nothing I can’t do in a few hours. 

**Jihyo:** anyway, I’m glad you guys reached out, we weren’t sure about asking you two. Also I might have something to tell you guys, can’t wait ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Mina answered her letting the older girl know they could count on them anytime if they needed anything. They had been a little busier than usual with moving out but they would have dropped everything if any of the girls needed them. They had done it a thousand times. She still remembered when Jeongyeon got her heart broken for the first time. The older girl arrived at Mina’s place, as the usually did every Friday evening, with her eyes quite red and sore from the crying. Mina opened the door for her and Chaeyoung and Dahyun appeared behind her, the three girls looked at her friend with worried eyes before taking Jeongyeon’s arm to get her inside the house. That evening they watched Jeongyeon’s favourite movie even though it was Dahyun’s turn to choose a movie and they ordered dinner from Jeongyeon favourite place. None of them made any question about what had happened. The girls knew how hard it had been for Jeongyeon to confess she had feelings for someone, so they understood why the oldest girl didn’t tell them who had broken her heart for the first time. Jihyo couldn’t make it that night because she had a familiar thing or something like that she had said when she called Mina to let her know she couldn’t go, but she made sure to make her friend laugh every time they met.

Mina went back to the group chat. Her words seemed to have stopped all the lame jokes and Chaeyoung had joined them now. After a couple of minutes they all agreed to meet on Saturday and have a movie night. They all missed it.

She put the phone back on her bedside table and went into the kitchen to get some water. In that moment the apartment door opened and Jeongyeon came in with at least three bags on her hands.

“Hey, you’re awake.” the older girl greeted Mina.

“Yeah, my phone wasn’t on silence so your group chat kind of woke me up.” Mina said as she left the empty glass on the kitchen sink. She would wash it once she had had breakfast.

“Well, sorry about that. But her, we’re finally watching Princess Mononoke together.” Jeongyeon said, excitement all over her face.

“So it’s Princess Mononoke this time? I thought we would watch The Matrix since it’s your favourite movie.” asked the younger girl as she helped her friend with the bags. “Do we really need all of this?” she asked looking at the several bags of chips her friend had bought.

“Well, yeah. I can’t risk not having enough snacks for our movie night. And answering to your question, Chaeyoung has watched The Matrix already, and you know I like showing you guys movies you haven’t watched.” she shrugged her shoulders and took the bag from Mina’s hand to put in the top shelf of the cabinet where the younger girl couldn’t reach.

 

* * *

 

Saturday night came pretty quickly. Mina and Jeongyeon were preparing the living room for them. They got blankets and cushions from their rooms. Jeongyeon had checked for the fourth time if the movie was in Korean and if the speakers worked perfectly when Mina took her arm and dragged her to the kitchen so they could prepare the snacks. The doorbell rang and Jeongyeon went to the door to open. Dahyun and Chaeyoung came in and let the older girl know that Jihyo was on her way. Mina’s voice came from the kitchen calling Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung’s face lighted up. She jumped on Mina once she saw her and hugged her tight. Dahyun and Jeongyeon looked at the scene knowing they would have fun teasing the shorter girl later. 

Jeongyeon was carrying the last bowl of popcorn when the doorbell rang for the second time that night. She went to the door and opened it. On the other side of the door frame was standing Jihyo. Jeongyeon opened her mouth but now words came out. 

“Hi.” the younger girl said first with an amused smile on her face. Laughter escaped her lips seeing how her friend blinked twice. 

“Hi.” the blonde girl finally said still staring at her friend with the same shocked face. “Your hair…”

“I thought today would be a good day to kill two birds with one stone.” she answered. Mina’s voice snapped Jeongyeon out of her shocked state and she finally let her friend in. “I wanted to change my hairstyle and I couldn’t not take the chance to surprise you guys.” she continued as she took off her shoes. 

Both girls came into the room together. Dahyun and Chaeyoung both screamed when they saw her friend’s purple hair. Mina, on the other hand, complimented her and told her to sit beside her. Before anyone could say a word Jeongyeon said “first the movie, then we talk” and pressed play. 

After a couple of hours and several bowls of snack, the credits rolled on the screen and Jeongyeon turned to see her friends’ faces. 

“Well…” she started. “YAH! Kim Dahyun don't tell me you fell asleep watching the movie.” she whined watching her friend rubbing her eyes and yawning.

“I didn't. I promise.” she raised both hands hiding behind Chaeyoung. Jeongyeon face relaxed and she added “I was about to, though.” 

“Kim Dahyun, you're a dead person.” Jeongyeon shouted and threw a cushion to Dahyun’s face. Jeongyeon wasn't really known for being a good shot so she ended up hitting the Chaeyoung’s face, who gave both of them a death glare. 

“So, who wants to start?” Mina asked before things got worse. She had her head resting on Jihyo’s shoulder and a blanket covered both of them. 

“Me.” said the youngest girl raising her hand as if she was in school. The gesture made Jihyo and Mina laugh. “I’m dropping med school.” the bomb was dropped. Everyone in the room gasped and panicked right after. 

“What do you mean you're dropping med school?” asked Jeongyeon in disbelief. 

“What do you think that means, Jeong?” Mina answered freaking out. 

“I’m going to stop you all before you have a heart attack.” said Chaeyoung getting everyone attention. “I know it sounds weird and random, but I’ve been thinking about it for quite a long time now. Yeah, I’ve worked my ass off to get here and now I’m quitting. But listen, I’m not doing it because it is hard or because I don't like it anymore, because I do like it, the thing is: there's something I like more, that's been a passion for me since forever and it has taken me all the years to realize. I already told my parents about this, they're just as shocked as you but they support my decision as long as it makes me happy.” she said quite fast in case any of the girl tried to interrupt her.

“So what are you going to do now?” asked Dahyun who was sitting now in front of her. The girls looked at their maknae expectantly since Dahyun had just asked what they all had in mind.

“Well, I’m going to study fashion design here, in Seoul, starting in a couple of weeks.” the youngest answered. Silence took over the room. Jihyo had pride written all over her face. She had always been like the mum of the group and she was proud of every step the girls had taken.

“Wow, that’s amazing, just, wow.” Mina exclaimed. She got up and took two empty bowls, she planted a kiss on the top of her friend’s head on her way to the kitchen. “I’m so proud of you, Chae.” the younger girl blushed feeling all eyes on her. Jeongyeon and Dahyun looked at each other and smiled as if they knew what the other had in mind. 

When Mina came back into the room, Jihyo started talking. 

“Well, as I told Mina, earlier this week, I have news as well.” The rest of the girls looked at her waiting for another surprise. “I’m going to Japan to work. Well, not work as in work work but work as in internship work, but yeah. I’ll be leaving next month and I’ll be there for six months.” She hugged the cushion beside her waiting for any reaction. 

“Oh my god, they picked you.” Mina spoke first.

“Wait, you knew she was applying for it and you didn’t tell us.” Dahyun followed.

“I feel betrayed.” Chaeyoung hummed crossing her arms and pouting. 

Jihyo couldn’t hide the grin forming on her lips. She was afraid of her friend’s reaction since she tried to keep it as secret as possible. The younger girl stared at Jeongyeon who hadn’t say a word yet. She caught her staring and and Jihyo shyly lowered her gaze. She was most afraid of Jeongyeon’s reaction. They five of them were very close, but Jihyo and Jeongyeon had this special connection they didn’t share with any of the other girls. Dahyun once said they were like soulmates.

Jeongyeon stood up and headed to the kitchen. Jihyo knew the older girl wanted to talk but didn’t know where to start so she decided to take the first step. She followed her friend leaving the maknae line arguing about the broken loyalty of their friendship.

“I know you have a lot in mind. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” she apologized and Jeongyeon turned around to face her.

“Why?” she blurted out.

“Why? Well, I didn’t want to disappoint any of you.” she started but Jeongyeon cut her.

“No, why Japan? I know you could’ve picked any place in Korea, you’ve always been top of your class. Any company would have wanted you.” the blonde girl said, eyes fixed on the floor. 

“I don’t know. I have to. We both know it’s the best choice.” she tried to grab Jeongyeon’s hand to make look her in the eyes. 

“Don’t.” Jeongyeon cut her again.

“Jeong, please.” Jihyo begged her. It was obvious the older girl was hurt but deep inside they knew it was for the best.

“Don’t Jeong me, Jihyo. You’re being so unfair.” the older girl said before walking past her, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She felt tears threatening to fall and she let them. She was hurting too. She never showed it, though. Being the ‘mum’ of the group made her feel responsible of the girls and she promised herself that she would never let them see her weak side.

“You okay?” a soft voice asked behind her. It was Mina. She stopped sobbing and whipped her tears with her hands. 

“Yeah. I’m still a bit emotional about this, you know? They told me last week and I still can’t believe it.” she said trying her best to smile.

“We’re so proud of you, too, Jihyo.” Mina hugged her tight and a couple of tears fell on the younger girl’s shoulder. 

“We should go back. You still haven’t told us about you.” Jihyo said as they broke the hug. And started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Jihyo.” Mina called her.

“Yes?” she turned around to look at her friend.

“Everything’s going to be alright.” Mina said and gifted her one of her gummy smiles. The older girl smiled back.

“I know it will.” Jihyo said before getting out of Mina’s sight. 

Mina then let out a sigh she didn’t know how long she had been holding, took a glass of water and went back with her friends pretending that everything was perfectly fine. Deep inside she knew it wasn’t. Yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [TRIGGER WARNING]  
> Mentions of:  
> -guns  
> -murder/death
> 
> please skip anything that might make you uncomfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! 
> 
> I haven't forgotten about this, it's just that the last months have been quite a mess and I've been really busy with my studies. Also, finals start in a week so I won't be able to update in the next few weeks. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Mina entered the room again and threw herself next to Jeongyeon on the couch. The older girl was sulking. Mina didn’t know whether it was because of her conversation with Jihyo in the kitchen or because Dahyun had snuggled up with Chaeyoung and sleep seemed to be taking over her. She looked around and saw Jihyo sitting as far as she could from Jeongyeon. She was fidgeting with the laces of her sweatpants. Mina’s phone buzzed on the table and the screen lighted up. Jihyo passed her the phone and Mina read the email professor T had promised to send her with the program.

 

“Is there something wrong?” Chaeyoung asked noticing Mina frowning while she had her eyes fixed on the device on her hands.

“Uh, no. I don’t think so. It’s nothing, really.” the older girl said dropping her phone beside her. All eyes were on her by now.

“I think now it’s a good moment to talk about it, Mina.” Jeongyeon said almost whispering as her hand patted the Japanese’s knee.

“Well, I guess it’s my turn now.” she chuckled nervously. Dahyun sit straight to focus on her friend’s words. “Earlier this week, I received an email from a professor. She told me to meet up with her in her office.” Mina kept telling them about the offer situation. Everyone told her the same Jeongyeon had said to her when she had come home after the meeting. She should do what felt right for her, but also taking risks wasn’t a bad idea. The Japanese girl decided to postpone the subject for next day when she could read the program carefully. Mina tried to ignore the fact that the week was about to end and she needed to give Professor T. an answer. She had to make a choice.

“What about you, Dahyun?” Jeongyeon finally spoke after almost twenty minutes of being silent.

“Well, I...ehm…” she looked at her hands resting on her lap. She had practiced this moment for hours over the week. She had talked to Chaeyoung about it because she received the confirmation when they were going to a new café the younger girl had found on Instagram. Chaeyoung’s had on hers made her find the courage she needed. “I’mgraduatinginfourmonthsandI’llprobablybeonthestreetsnotlongafterthat.” she said as fast as she could which made Chaeyoung sigh out of desperation.

“C’mon, don’t make me say it.” Chaeyoung whispered in her ear.

“Ugh, fine. I’m graduation from the academy in almost four months. We’ve been told that we will be on the streets not long after. Obviously we will be assigned a senior and we’ll have our own badge which I’m very excited for-”

“And you’ll be carrying a gun.” Jeongyeon finished her sentence in a cold tone. Dahyun gulped and looked down. She already knew her oldest friend wouldn’t like the idea. She had had a hard time when the younger girl started to tell all of them about being a police officer. Jeongyeon had a bad relationship with guns and violence. Even though Dahyun had explained to her a thousand times that police officers hardly use their guns, just when they needed to protect themselves and other in the worst situations, she seemed to be triggered by it every time.

“Jeong” Jihyo started.

“Don’t you dare, Jihyo. I’m not listening to any of your words. You all know how much I despise guns. You all know what I went through when I was a kid. Don’t expect me to be okay with one of my best friends having one of those.” she raised her voice, which made the younger girls flinch. “I can’t deal with all of this right now. I’m sorry.” she said getting up from the couch and going to her room.

“Jeong, please…” Jihyo tried to get up to go after her but Mina’s grip on her arm stopped her.

“Let her be. She really needs to be alone right now. You know she’ll come around after a while.” she softly said looking at Dahyun who was now hugging Chaeyoung, trying to hide her tears. Jihyo didn’t know whether Mina’s words were about Dahyun or if she was talking about what had happened in the kitchen. She hoped she was right in both cases. It hurt her to see Jeongyeon like this. She was sure Dahyun meant no harm when she gave them the news. God knows how much the younger girl loved her unnies. On the other hand, Jihyo couldn’t say she meant no harm when she said she was leaving. Yes, she didn’t want to hurt Jeongyeon, but she knew she would and she didn’t come up with a better way of doing things.

 

Jeongyeon laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling trying to get her mind blank for a second. She wasn’t the type of person that would get easily triggered, but when it came to a certain issue or her friends, she was the first to jump into conclusions and panic about everything that could go wrong.

Taking a deep breath she got up and slowly walked to her bedroom door. She grabbed the door handle and opened the door just to see Mina and Jihyo hugging before the latter disappeared as the Japanese girl closed the door. The younger girl turned around and stared at her for a couple of seconds before heading to the kitchen. She could feel the disappointment in Mina’s eyes. She followed her and stood behind her friend as she made some tea. They remained in silence until Mina offered her a mug. She took it and stared at the liquid spinning in it. Somehow that eased her mind a little.

“You know.” Mina started. “I think I’m going to take the offer.” She took a small sip to avoid Jeongyeon’s gaze.

“Oh, really? You didn’t even open the program you received earlier.” the older girl said a little surprised.

“I prefer doing it this way. I’ll read it tomorrow after letting Professor T. know. I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” she chuckled trying to hide the awkward feeling on her stomach. She turned to the kitchen counter and put everything on its place.

“Wow. Where’s this confidence coming from?” Jeongyeon raised her eyebrows still processing Mina’s words. “Not that it’s a bad thing, but you know, it’s not a Mina thing.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I’m just tired of living in a constant state of ‘what if’s and regret.” she said more serious than she intended. “Now, I think we should go to sleep. It’s pretty late already.” she said leaving her cup in the sink and exiting the kitchen.

“Ah, yeah. I’m so tired, a lot has happened tonight.” Jeongyeon sighed and followed her.

“By the way, you should apologize to the girls, you know? They just wanted to share how they’re doing. We shouldn’t make it about us.” she stopped in the middle of the room. “The only thing we can do is supporting them as much as we can. They’re our friends after all.” She put her hand on the taller girl’s shoulder and tiptoed to reach Jeongyeon’s cheek and place a kiss on it. “Good night, Jeong. Try to get some sleep.”

Jeongyeon tidied the cushion on the couch while Mina went to wash her teeth and prepare for bed. Once her roommate bidded her good night again, she copied her actions and entered the bathroom.

She stared at her reflection on the mirror as she took the towel next to the sink to dry her hands and lips. The blonde girl closed her bedroom door and laid on her bed. She closed her eyes trying to obey Mina, but sleep wasn’t planning on taking over her. She turned and laid on her side, extending her arm to grab her phone. The screen lighted up to show to messages.

**S:** Hey

**S:** I missed you today :(( Did you forget about me?

She read the texts several times before answering. Maybe talking to something would help her feel less bad about everything.

**Jeongyeon:** sorry :(( I’ve been busy with my friends coming over

**S:** you don’t sound happy about it. Is everything alright?

**Jeongyeon:** uhm… not really

**S:** wanna talk about it?

**Jeongyeon:** I don’t want to keep you up. You must be tired, it’s late.

**S:** It’s okay. I can’t sleep. Do you want me to call you?

**Jeongyeon:** okay…

Jeongyeon’s phone vibrated in her hand as the name appeared on the screen.

“Hi.” she started. A chuckle was heard from the other girl.

“We were chatting two seconds ago, Jeong.” Jeongyeon flinched as she heard the nickname Jihyo had used that night a couple of times. “Hi.” she said since Jeongyeon was still silent.

“Why can’t you sleep? Did you wake up late again?” Jeongyeon asked as she remembered how the girl had once slept past noon during the weekend and had had trouble waking up on Monday to go to work.

“ _Me?_ Who do you think I am?” the girl half screamed pretending to be offended. Jeongyeon chuckled.

“Then what's keeping you up?” she asked, her voice low trying not to be noisy and wake her Japanese roommate up.

“I’m kind of freaking out. My boss emailed me to meet her on Monday. Something about an adjustment.” Jeongyeon felt her voice shaking at the end. “I've tried to think about what that could mean. I don't think I've ever done something wrong… But why do I feel like I'm going to be fired?”

“Whatever it is, everything is going to be fine. If they fire you, it's their loss because you’re so good at what you do.” Jeongyeon said with so much honesty she felt warmth inside her chest. Yes, she was proud of her.

“Thanks.” the girl said a little teary. “Now let's talk about you. Why are you up? You're not the type of person to stay up this late.”

“I can’t stop thinking about my friends. Everyone is achieving so much and I’m in the same place I was two years ago.” Jeongyeon grunted rubbing her eyes.

“But you’re not. I mean, okay, you didn’t get that contract you wanted so much, so what, as you said, it’s their loss. Don’t blame yourself for things that you can’t control. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are right now, I bet everyone in your life is proud of you.” the girl on the other side of the phone said softly. She had gotten used to Jeongyeon’s criticism when it came to herself.

“I know.” a sigh slipped through Jeongyeon’s lips. “It’s just, I don’t know. It’ll pass, I guess.”

“Talk to me anytime, Jeong, you know you can count on me.” the other girl said and Jeongyeon knew she was dead serious about it. “And I guess that’s not everything that’s bothering you, right?”

“How did you know?” Jeongyeon whispered on the phone, aware of how loud her voice could get and Mina was probably sleeping by now.

“Well, that’s my talent, you know.” the girl chuckled as she imagined Jeongyeon rolling her eyes at her words. “Now, talk.”

“Ugh, fine. I overreacted when one of my friends told me about she finally becoming a police officer.” Dahyun’s face when she snapped was still clear on her mind. The younger girl looked hurt. Jeongyeon hated herself.

“I don’t see any problem in what she said, but please, explain.” her voice sounded worried and somehow that made Jeongyeon feel warmer. She wouldn’t say it in front of anyone, but just like Jihyo, she had this tough side of her that she showed all the time, and being the oldest of her friends, she took the responsibility of being strong around the girls. Deep inside she knew she loved being taken care of.

“She’ll have a gun. I know what you’re going to say. Yes, all cops have a gun.” she took a deep breath. “It’s just, guns have brought nothing but problems into my life.” she stopped waiting for the other girl to say something and kept going when she didn’t say a word. “I grew up watching my father and uncle leave early in the morning and coming back with some dead rabbits and some birds. They came covered in dirt, shotguns hanging from their shoulders. I got scared every single time. As time passed, I tried to avoid those hours when they came back home, but my mum forced me to help her prepare the meat to eat it the next day.”

“That’s so fucked up, Jeong. I’m so sorry.” the girl said, obviously moved and angry because of the story.

“Well, it only gets worse from there. Just tell me to stop if you don’t want to hear more.” Jeongyeon knew once she said it there was no coming back, memories would come back for a while and she will have to deal with them, like she did years ago when she lived them. She gulped and tried to clear her throat.

“It’s okay. Let it all out if you want.” the other girl responded.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “One day, they agreed I was old enough to go with them. I cried to my mom and begged her to say something, but she just hummed when my dad told her. We arrived at the place and they started to prepare everything. I stood there, next to the car and my dad forced me to follow them. There was this we were going into, there were bushes everywhere, you could not see the ground. I guess you know how it works. Everyone has dogs to help them hunt. W-we had two dogs: Suk and Shira.” she stopped as she felt the tears threatening to fall. “My dad saw something moving through the bushes and just shot. He didn’t wait, he didn’t think. He just pulled the trigger and then Shira came back running to us, but Suk didn’t come with her. I knew it then, something horrible had just happened. We walked closer to where Shira came from. I was already crying. We found Suk lying on the ground, blood started to stain the plants below him. I tried to touch him. I wanted to take him with me, get him to vet and save him, but dad didn’t let me. He said there was nothing we could do for him. He said he would only suffer more. They told me to leave him there. I-I had no choice. I had nightmares about it for years. It was the worst thing I’ve gone through. My dad killed Suk with his fucking gun. So yeah, I always feel triggered around them and even when someone brings them into conversation.”

The other girl didn’t know what to say, she had never imagined it would be this bad. She would have never guessed Jeongyeon had been through something so painful and traumatic. She was used to Jeongyeon being cheerful and funny, making puns and lame jokes every time she had the chance. She was used to Jeongyeon teasing her with cute compliments. She had had some serious conversation with her as well, but they had never gotten to something like this. She knew Jeongyeon was hurting and needed some comfort.

“I’m so sorry, Jeongyeon. You didn’t deserve to go through any of that. For God’s sake, nobody deserves to go through all the pain your father caused you. He was so irresponsible and I hate him for hurting you so much.” she didn’t mean to rant but her blood was boiling in her veins with anger. She tried to calm herself. This was not what her friend needed right now. She heard her sobbing and her heart broke a little more. “I know that nothing I can say is going to change what happened and I’m not going to tell you to try to understand and like what your friend is doing. Nobody has the right to ask for that when you’ve to hell and back because of it. But maybe you should talk to them when you feel ready. I’m sure they’ll understand and both of you will be okay.”

Jeongyeon softly cried against the blankets that were now covering her head. Once she felt better she took her phone from her pillow and checked the screen. The call was still going. The other girl had stayed on the phone while she cried waiting for her to calm down and talk again.

“Jeongyeon.” the girl almost whispered once she heard some noise.

“My head hurts.” she grunted.

“Try to get some sleep. Everything will be better soon.” the girl reassured her.

“Thank you.” Jeongyeon whispered hoping her voice wouldn’t break from all the crying.

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m your friend and I-I’m gonna be here for you whenever you need me.” she was a little emotional as well after knowing how everything had affected Jeongyeon and how she hadn’t been able to do anything for her. “Now please, try to sleep. You must be exhausted. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

“Okay.” Jeongyeon let the word out in what sounded like a sight. Not long after, her phone beeped on her ear as the call was ended.

Both girls, had some trouble falling asleep after that.

 

Jeongyeon spent the rest of the weekend going in and out of her room trying to avoid the look Mina gave her every time they saw each other around the house. The older girl knew Mina was kind of mad and kind of sad about what had happened. Jeongyeon wanted to apologise to everyone but didn’t know how to do it. She didn’t want her feelings to twist her words and hurt her friends even more. She decided to give it a little time and try to meet with Dahyun and Jihyo separately in the next days.

Sunday night was already there before she knew it. Mina was sitting on the couch watching some anime. Jeongyeon approached her and sit next to her, leaving enough space between them as she felt quite awkward and ashamed yet.

“You can sit closer, Jeong. I won’t bite you.” Mina said, eyes fixed on the TV screen.

“Okay.” she sort of whispered and moved a little closer. “What are you watching?”

“Love live! Do you want me to turn on the Korean subtitles?” The younger girl said already leaning to take the remote control from the table. She scrolled through the options.

“Thanks.” the older girl said once Mina leaned back on the couch.

“You know you don’t have to act like this around me, right? I’m not mad at you, Jeong.” she said facing her. “I know you didn’t want last night to go the way it did. Nobody is mad you, but you know how much Dahyun admires all of us. She wants to make us proud since we are her only family.”

“I know. Ugh. I want to fully support her and all of you too, but I don’t know what to do about the you-know-what issue. I really don’t.” Jeongyeon groaned covering her face with her hands.

“You don’t need to know right now. Just talk to her and try to find something that will make you both comfortable and go back to normal.” the Japanese girl said brushing her friend’s hair with her fingers. “Everything will be alright.” the younger girl had lost count of how many times she had said those words to her friends and to herself in the last few days. She really hoped she was right.

 

* * *

 

Mina walked as fast as she could through the hall of the main building. She had five minutes to get to Professor T.’s office or else she would be late and you don’t want to be late to your second meeting with the person who trusted you enough to ask you for such a thing. She looked and the watch on her wrist as she turned around the corner. The hall was really crowded since second period had just finished and everyone was out there trying to get to their next class.

A couple of weeks had passed since Mina made her decision. She had spent most of her days since then going through her old notes and books trying to get everything in order. Jeongyeon was by then used to get home to Mina being surrounded by piles of books she didn’t know where her roommate kept. One night, she made the mistake of asking if she really needed to go through all of it. Don’t get her wrong, but wasn’t Mina going to teach just a small part of the subject for no longer than a month? Why did she need so much preparation?

“Because when it comes to Calculus, everything can go wrong.” Mina answered quite loud as she showed the list she had made of things she needed to revise. Jeongyeon chuckled at the sight of a stressed Mina. It reminded her of their finals days.

Mina opened the door of the Mathematical Analysis department at the same time someone inside opened the door too. Both of them stepped aside to let the other in. Mina looked at the person and decided to step inside since she was in a hurry. She walked past them and headed straight to the office. She knocked twice and waited. She checked the time once again. She was a minute early. She took a deep breath and relaxed. The door was opened then.

“Mina, hello. Come in.” Professor T greeted her. “I hope it wasn’t very troublesome for you to come here. I bet you’re going crazy over the program.” she softly laughed.

“Not at all. It’s fine.” she said facepalming herself mentally. She just sounded exactly like she was trying to convince herself.

“Okay, then. I have here the contract for you to read and sign. You can take it home and read it carefully. Just ask me anything you may not understand. We’re having a department meeting in ten days. Do you think you can attend it? I have to present you in front of the heads of the department before making things official.” Professor T. informed her and Mina got a little overwhelmed by everything.

“Um, yeah. I think so.” she answered not very sure. “Also, I wanted to ask you.” she changed (sort of) the subject of the conversation trying to calm herself and remember everything that she needed the ask. “Is it okay for me to have some notes you use for your lessons. I’ve started to make my own, but I wouldn’t like to miss anything or include something you have not planned on teaching.” Professor T remained silent while staring at Mina. The girl tried not to look away as she started to freak out.”

“That’s actually a good idea. Let me email you some content I often use.” she started to type something and once she sent the email she turned to look at Mina. “And please, don’t stress yourself out so much. I know you’re going to do way better than you think.” Mina let a nervous laughter escape her lips, which made the other woman smile at her with an understanding look in her eyes. “I’m making you more nervous, right?”

“No, no. It’s okay. It’s just, I have never done anything close to this and I don’t want to let you down.” she said looking at her intertwined fingers trying to stay still. ‘C‘mon Mina. Stop acting like this, you’re making a really bad impression.’ she mentally scolded herself.

Professor T. stood up and stopped right in front of Mina. “It’s okay. I know this might be difficult for you, but just know that if you ever need anything, any of my colleagues will be more than happy to help you.”

 

* * *

 

Almost a month went by before Jeongyeon met with Jihyo. She wanted to fix things first with Dahyun since it was what was hurting her the most. Sure, her conversation with Jihyo was painful, but things had be quite rough between the two for a while now, so she was kind of used to it. Her talk with Dahyun had been very awkward at first. There were many things she wanted to say but she didn’t know where to start. Luckily, Dahyun had already guessed why Jeongyeon had acted the way she did, which made things much easier. They agreed on not being explicit about Dahyun’s job just in case something might trigger Jeongyeon.

Jihyo’s last day in Korea was around the corner and she didn’t want to leave without talking to Jeongyeon. She picked her phone and decided to text her for the first time after the incident. She was tired of thinking so much and getting nowhere. She hummed to some random song from her Spotify playlist while she typed.

**Jihyo:** My place. Can you come over?

**Jeongyeon:** when?

**Jihyo:** whenever you’re free

**Jihyo:** I want to see you...and talk

**Jihyo:** if you want

**Jeongyeon:** omw. Be there in 30

**Jeongyeon:** i’ll bring food

 

Jihyo put her phone down and kept putting her favorite books on a box. She was going to be gone for half a year, but it felt like she was going to be there forever.

“Maybe I don’t need all of this.” she said to herself looking around. Three boxes were beside her bedroom door. She had a big suitcase open next to her bed. She had still a week before parting but her mom had convinced her to start packing because she needed to think what stuff she was taking with her and what was she sending back home.

Not long after, the doorbell rang. She opened the door without checking who it was first. She needed to fix that bad habit of hers before something bad happened.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon greeted her standing outside. She carrying a quite big box in both hands. “I brought pizza!” she exclaimed. Jihyo chuckled and let her in.

“Try to find some space on the table.” She said as she closed the door behind the older girl. Jeongyeon stood in front of the said table and looked at all the framed photos on it. “You okay?” Jihyo asked her, even though she knew she wasn’t.

“Oh, um. Yeah. It’s just…” she started.

“It feels more real now, right?” Jihyo finished her sentence. She knew the feeling all too well. A month ago, everything seemed like an illusion, something it would never come. Now she had a week left with her friends before taking the biggest step she had ever thought of taking. Things were about to change. Both girls were scared to the bones. “Anyway, let me help you with that.” she took a couple of pictures already wrapped around with some bubble wrap and put them inside the box laying on the floor. She grabbed the rest and rushed to her room to drop them on her bed.

“When are you leaving?” Jeongyeon asked once she came back.

“In a week. I have so many things to do once I get there, so yeah, I’m leaving now so I can have enough time to do so.” she said taking the pizza box from Jeongyeon, who seemed be lost in thoughts. “What did you get?” Jihyo asked right before opening it.

“Well…” Jeongyeon mumbled.

“Of course you ordered pineapple.” Jihyo sitted on the chair next to her, done with her friend’s awful taste.

“Hey, but it’s just a half.” the older girl pouted crossing her arms. “I didn’t forget about your unreasonable hate towards pineapple on pizza.”

Both girls started eating while they mocked the other taste in anything they didn’t agree on. Once they were done, Jeongyeon stood up and took the things from the table to the kitchen with Jihyo swept the some crumbs on the floor and decided to put some music to fill the awkward silence between the two. They haven’t talked about the big issue yet. They needed to. They didn’t want to.

Jeongyeon came back from the kitchen and looked at her expectantly.

A very familiar song started to play.

_All day long she’s waiting for the night to ask her out_

 

Jihyo stared back.

“Dance with me?” the younger offered her hand. The memories hit both of them.

 

_To be somebody’s dancer, to get lost inside a crowd_

 

Jeongyeon took it. How could she say no?

 

_There’s no need to talk, because the music is so loud_

 

Jihyo let herself be embraced by Jeongyeon arms and rested hers around the taller girl waist.

“You’re as tiny as that night.” the older girl mumbled against Jihyo’s almost faded purple hair.

“Shut up.” Jihyo ordered earning a soft laugh from her friend.

 

_Till a taxi drops her back into a morning full of doubts_

 

  _[...]_

“Dance with me?” a shy teenage Jihyo said once she was close enough to Mina and Jeongyeon. The Japanese chuckled softly.

“What did I do to have this honor?” Jeongyeon playfully asked back.

The younger girl remained silent, she hadn't expected this to happen while planning it with Mina.

“Jeongyeon, don't be like that.” Mina pushing the oldest girl shoulder.

“I’d love to, Jihyo.” she finally said. That made Jihyo let out a shaky breath she had been holding since she approached them. Jeongyeon didn't move and the younger girl panicked. Mina coughed as she subtly pointed to Jeongyeon’s hand.

“Oh, right.” Jihyo mumbled looking at her own hands before extending one of them in front of Jeongyeon. She prayed to everything above her for her hands not to be sweaty. The older girl gently took her hand and let herself be dragged to the dance floor.

“I swear to God, those two.” the Japanese girl said to herself mentally rolling her eyes.

_[...]_

 

“Jeong.” Jihyo started when they were halfway through the song.

“I know.” the older girl whispered. Her grip on Jihyo’s sweater tightened.

“We have to stop.” her voice was cold, yet unstable. “Please.” she begged trying to escape from Jeongyeon’s arms. She knew they would never move on if they kept being like this. She was starting to get tired of all the push and pull between them. Jihyo knew she was the only one to blame. She had been hurting Jeongyeon and herself for a while now.

She had hurt Jeongyeon, who was caring and loving only with people she felt comfortable around. Jeongyeon, who had been her date to prom back in high school. Jeongyeon, who got Mina and the rest of the girls to go to prom and skip game night just so they all could be together. Jeongyeon, who knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Jeongyeon, who had asked her one day after class to meet her by _their_ bench in the park they used to play in when they were kids. Jeongyeon, who had arrived to the place with her hands clenched in her jacket pockets and looking the most nervous she had ever seen her. Jeongyeon, who stuttered almost every word she had practiced mentally for days. Jeongyeon, who had slowly fallen in love with her. Jeongyeon, who was caring and loving, specially with her. Jeongyeon, whose heart got broken because of her.

Jeongyeon moved her hands from Jihyo’s sweater and let them rest at the sides. With her head hung low, she started to so quietly. The younger girl noticed her shoulders shaking.

“Jeongyeon, please look at me.” she tried to get her friend’s attention touching her arm with no luck. “Jeong.” she moved her hand to the older girl’s cheek, softly brushing her thumb to wipe away the tears. The blonde girl finally looked at her and she felt her chest tighten at the sight. “I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.” she whispered and hoped the older girl had heard it because she didn’t think she could said again without her voice breaking.

“Don’t.” Jeongyeon cut her immediately. “Please don’t regret any of it.”

“But I-” she couldn’t finish because Jeongyeon’s lips were on hers and it felt really good and really bad at the same time. She had wanted to kiss the older girl for such a long time, she didn’t know what to do now that it was happening. Jeongyeon hand started to caress the back of her neck, what made her shiver. She couldn’t help the tears falling from her own eyes. She didn’t deserve any of this, it didn’t matter how much both of them wanted it. She was so conflicted with her thoughts that she didn’t realize her lips kissing back and her hands placing themselves on the taller girl’s back. Jeongyeon pulled away not long after. Jihyo remained with her eyes closed.

“I’m sorry.” Jeongyeon softly apologized before stepping away from Jihyo and getting out of the apartment. The younger girl stared at the closed door waiting for her to come back. She knew Jeongyeon leaving and not coming back was for the best, but she still hope for the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is curious about the song Jeongyeon and Jihyo were dancing to, it is Skin by BOY.  
> Also, thanks to @/minatozagays (on twitter) for suggesting the song.
> 
>  
> 
> You all can hate me for saying this is a mimo/namo story and yet they still haven't properly appeared. I'm trying to fix this, I promise.
> 
> Feel free to ask me anything you want on my cc https://curiouscat.me/blue_air


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